Pat Barrow – Finding the Right Job

From Labor Day Jokes and Funny Stories

In honor of Labor Day, here’s a first-person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:

As a young man:

My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.

I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.

I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.

I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.

In my prime next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.

I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.

I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high-strung.

I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make enough dough.

I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

Later in life:

Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in it.

Next, I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.

I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.

I turned to farming, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.

I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs, and I got the shaft.

I sold origami, but the business folded.

Finally: I took a job at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself.

I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.

I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally withdrew from the job.

I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn’t live on my net income.

I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.

I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So, I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job! For those of you who still have life left in you…..

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